you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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