I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize