You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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