haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
