Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize