Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
where does the pee come out of this thing
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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