After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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