today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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