I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
