I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
