You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my liver is dry heaving
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
