you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
