We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
