You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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