You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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