she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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