i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
