That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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