just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
