I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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