If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
