I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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