my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
