Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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