when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
