Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
