If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think i have two assholes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
