So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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