There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
