Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
