Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
