You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize