This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
