it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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