omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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