yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
