I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
