I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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