Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
