I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
