6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
