He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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