I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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