Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
