Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
