do herpes really smell.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
