So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
