Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
