The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
