my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
