hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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