but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
