You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
