I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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