This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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