I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
