so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
