We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
