i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
