I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
