I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
