I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
