dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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