oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
