I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
