There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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