guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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